8/12/12

Welcome back to Gonzo's Dressing Room. A brief note on that mystifying little white box just below the header: Simply type in your e-mail address (or someone else's I'm not picky), click "submit" and you'll magically be subscribed to your favorite rant-filled occasionally logically inconsistent website: Gonzo's Dressing Room! You'll be updated with every seemingly randomly posted entry.

Now on to the fun...

X-Treme X-Men #1

Let’s get this straight, in an alternate reality, the disembodied heads of one hundred Charles Xaviers teleported an entire civilization off of a dying planet and “ We ... broke something in the multiverse or maybe... made something ... across the multiverse ten different Xaviers... have been awakened. You must find them and kill them before they destroy all of creation.”

Greg Pak and Stephen Segovia have come up with a crazy nonsensical concept. A young teen Nightcrawler, an odd cowboyish Wolverine, a younger iteration of Emma Frost, and the “real world’s” Dazzler have to save every conceivable reality. Dazzler, really? I believe the multiverse to be doomed. 

This is the sort of continuity be-damn, do whatever you want writer’s-crap that doesn’t deserve publication but somehow it works. If your tired of billion part crossovers, and needing an MIT level schematic to understand what’s going on, this is the X-title for you.

Wolverine and Emma are pretty much required to be in any X-Men comic but the rest of the cast are far more peripheral. 

This is X-Men with a dollop of Lovecraft and a heaping helping of Sliders. (And some slightly unknown sci-fi writer. I am not versed enough in the genre to know which.) 

 Debris #1

Riley Rossmo and Owen Gieni produce an unforgettable distinct style with their respective lines and colors. Even as a decidedly more word fan than picture fan, I find myself thumbing through this issue over and over for the art.  Obviously, my brain must be broken.) 

Now before I get in trouble with writer Curtis J. Wiebe, the writing is rather stellar as well. It is the far future, the last outpost of humanity struggles to survive in a blasted wasteland sporadically beset by biotech beasts. Maya is the young apprentice to the aging protector of the village. The village is run by “the five” , a quintarchy of closed minded isolationists who seem to buck the protector.

After an attack by a colossal metal monster, Maya must journey out of the village to the legendary realm of Athabasca or all the citizens will be doomed. This issue ends with the heroine beginning her journey to a potentially nonexistent ray of hope. Just to remind us that this is in fact OUR future, we see a washing machine amidst the rubble.

What’s truly unique here, is that all the dynamic personalities are female. In a world where intelligence and agility trump brute strength and ego,the feminine as protector and hero can shine.  I’ll step off my soapbox now. )

This is a fun,thoughtful comic which juxtaposes themes of hope and hopelessness to provide the perfect backdrop to what is essentially a coming-of-age story. (Didn’t I just say I was stepping off my soapbox. Let’s just move on to the next comic before I REALLY get carried away.) 

 Irresistible #1

Please don’t judge this book by its premise or its art. Allen Keeg, recently broken up and a wreck, is dragged by his friends to a strip club. Upon leaving alone, he comes to the aide of an old gypsy woman being mugged by a conveniently multiracial gang. He is beaten to a pulp and wakes to find the woman completely unharmed. Thanking him for his attempted aide, she offers him literally anything. 

In his loneliness, he says that the only thing he wants is to be wanted by every woman he comes across. Which is exactly what he gets.

Raven Gregory, executive editor of the fun but highly misogynistic Zenescope writes in the style of a polished novelist, handling adolescent  ( and not so adolescent ) male fears and fantasies in a realistic, mature fashion. We are left with a feeling that this treatment will only intensify in further issues. 

It’s hard to imagine if a tragic or happy ending would be more appropriate. Having sampled one issue of Gregory’s writing, I’m confident that he will mix the two to great result.

I mentioned not judging this book by its art. There are no inks, just Franco Riesco’s paints over Derlis Santacruz’s pencils. The result is swimy and odd and that the art does not appear to be done by the same person throughout. The inconsistencies  and blatant TNA are broken by the rare truly exceptional face work. 

Irresistible will hopefully trap some unexpecting fan boys into an education on mature relationships and help clean up Zenescope’s image in the process. Just steer clear of the letters page unless you can take diamond cut razor sharp sarcasm.

8/4/12

Another batch of comic reviews, no preamble. let's go!

 Battle Beasts #1: The comics world is digging deep for 80’s toy-line comics. Battle Beasts have divided collectors for years; are they cool or are they lame? I picked up the book so you can guess my stance on the issue.

On a far-flung planet, an anthropomorphic ram sits amidst the alien hills of a dessert bad-land, with him are his two allies: Mersk the hawk and Gruntos the walrus. Bobby Curnow’s writing is dark, brooding and spot-on. You start to love this savage world. 

The problems with the story are heralded when they are beset by a menagerie of villains. Artist Valerio Schiti, in his attempt to make an ostrich look tough and deadly, for all intents and purposes clothes him in bondage gear which only worsens the general effect. That’s not to say that Valerio doesn’t have some very good designs, he does, my favorite being the sleek, assassin-ish cow on the last page.

When the beasts head to Earth things go to pot a bit. Bliss Reynolds, a linguist based so obviously on Zooey Deschanell that the homage is stretched to absurdity, unlocks the beasts’ language and activates two orbs that change into gauntlets. These are obviously the “dread weapons” mentioned earlier. 

I may be picking nits but the lingual elements of the story bother me. I may not be a philologist but my undergraduate advisor was and I couldn’t help but pick a few principles up. (Hi, Professor Burke!) Firstly the alien language is said to be logographic not phonographic, based on meaning not sound. Bliss actually speaks a portion of the dialect from the artifact she has been studying. This would be impossible unless she somehow knew what phonemes were used. It would be like someone who doesn’t read Japanese trying to read in ANCIENT Japanese ; it would be theoretically possible to decode the meanings but you could never on your own reproduce the sounds. Further phonetic trouble ensues when the beasts themselves talk on Earth and we can only hear them from a human perspective. There are simply too many phonemes and they all but never repeat. Unless this language has tens if not hundreds of words for every English one this lack of a pattern wouldn’t emerge.

Whew, excessively scholarly rant over. I had promised myself I would never become THAT kind of blogger but hey, I like my Sci-fi to have workable “sci”. I still recommend this title. I just feel that the out of this world elements had literally stayed out of this world.

 Batman Earth One Special Preview Edition

This nifty little free comic by Geoff Johns and Gary Frank is designed to hook you into buying the graphic novel. I hate,hate,hate this kind of cheap trickery but dammit, this time it works. John’s, whose name is hardly synonymous with Batman, turns his high concept mind to a modern retelling of Batman’s origin. 

We begin with the Dark Knight chasing a suited man. The smooth, brooding, wordless panels lead to the impossible. Batman flubs miserably. We revert to the past where Thomas Wayne is running for mayor of Gotham. He has called on an old friend to be his head of security- a war toughened Alfred Pennyworth. 

Here Alfred is not a near emotionless simpering butler but a complicated badass, a treatment which even trumps Michael Caine’s movie portrayals for pure awesomeness. Young Bruce is excited for family-night-at-the-movies. Alfred insists on accompanying them but Thomas insists he stay. Every Batman fan knows what will happen next. 

If this were a miniseries, I’d buy it without an instances thought. Being a full length graphic novel, this one may not end up in my collection. So my recommendation is that the choice is yours. But whatever you do, don’t look over this preview edition just because it cost you nothing. 

 Wonder Woman #11

As I said before, this title feels like Wondie in the Vertigo universe and I love it. Brian Azzarello and Cliff Ciang work together seamlessly. Their combined visions of the Greek Pantheon is simply stunning. They are vivid, surprising, unique, yet highly appropriate. 

Apollo and Artemis make a power play to assume the throne of Olympus left vacant by Zeus. Is it mere coincidence that the story line’s end game appears to have been set up for the end of its first year? If this is indeed the end of the story line, its been a wild ride that I can’t recommend highly enough. I will likely buy the trades regardless of having all the single issues. Yet, I yearn for a more traditional Wonder Woman. I’d like to see issue #13 to launch a new creative team.

The only weak point of this series is that Wonder Woman seems to play second fiddle to her ensemble cast. Hopefully, we’ll see something more traditional coming down the pike. Either way, I think it might be back issue time. Gail Simone anyone?

 Captain Marvel #1

A woman writing a heroine comic , we haven’t seen much of this winning combination from Marvel. DC has been flirting with it on and off. 

Kelly Sue DeConnick’s writing makes me happy to be a comic fan and a feminist. Right away Miss Marvel, along with Captain America’s minor assistance, faces off against everything that is wrong with masculinity in the form of the Absorbing Man. After the battle, Captain America encourages Miss Marvel to take on the name of her namesake, Captain Marvel to reach her full potential.

After thirty-five years of carrying the diminutive suffix, it is more than time for Carol Danvers to become Captain Marvel.  Dexter Soy’s painting style art is less than ideal. Carol’s physical depiction is high on the misogynistic bull crap scale. At least Captain America is beyond Playgirl model himself. 

The letters page ends in part with “You just read the first issue of your new favorite comic.” All hyperbole aside, this is definitely a title you shouldn’t miss. I just wish the covers were a little better. Who drew that hair? 

7/21/12

Some of you may have been worrying (or hoping) that your beloved writer of Gonzo’s Dressing Room had slipped into coma or been kidnapped by aliens. Well I’m back and I’ve apparently chosen an excellent time to do so. Lately, there has been an explosion of interesting first issues on the shelves. Let’s delve into five of them for the Dressing Room’s triumphant return.

 He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #1

I remember going to the local department store with my parents when I was three or four years old when I saw the original He-Man action figure. Of course I convinced my parents to buy it immediately, I believe Beastman and Skeletor followed soon after. 

Now I have a large dresser draw full of Masters of the Universe figures most of which are missing arms or have been gnawed on. So when I saw this comic at my local shop, I picked it up on impulse. 

The story is of a simple woodcutter named, Adam who dreams of being a barbarian hero who fought along side and against the characters we have come to know. With his elderly father falling deeper into illness and dementia, he is inexplicably called to “go out into the world” where he is immediately set upon by Beastman and a clumsy seven page battle ensues.

The beaten Beastman retreats to his master, Skeletor who wishes to stop Adam from discovering too much about his past. The young man’s dreams of being a great hero are true. He-Man is actually He-man, gasp. So much for unpredictability! 

James Robinson’s script is awkward and Philips Tan’s pencils seem incredibly rushed. The old man being fed porridge by Adam being the only well executed panel. 

I might stick around this title to find out what happened to Teela and to see if they have the guts to include Orko. After that, the few issues of this comic I will buy will end up deep in my comic boxes, never again to see the light of day. 

 Adventure Time: Marceline and the Scream Queens #1

One of my good friends at the comic shop is a twenty year old woman obsessed with Adventure Time. To me it’s a poorly drawn kid’s show about a highly annoying pre pubescent boy with a diaper on his head and his barely more mature dog with the voice of Futurama’s Bender.

The one saving grace is Marceline the Vampire Queen. An interesting, complex character who I have admittedly not seen on television. She, and to a lesser degree, Princess Bubble Gum, made the first story ark of the main Adventure Time comic bearable to me. 

The story behind this mini is a personality clash between Marceline and Bubble Gum. Princess Bubble Gum finds rock music and the rock lifestyle to be chaotic and distasteful. Besides, she’s jealous of how her subjects fawn over the vampire queen. Her angry words convince Marceline that maybe she and her music are shallow after all. Simultaneously, Bubble Gum has a change of heart and the two decide that the princess will tour with them as their stage manager.

Marceline’s band is comprised of a ghost, a werewolf, a random guy ingeniously named, “Guy” and Marceline herself. The drummer, Bongo is referred to as “the ghost of a really famous drummer.” (I have my money on Keith Moon.)

Meredith Gran provides a rollicking tale aimed directly at kids but I still found it accessible as an adult. Her artwork is even more kiddy than the cartoon but I can look past that. 

Princess Bubble Gum’s roadie outfit is a stroke of genius. 

This comic also contains a short story by Jen Wang. Her artwork is amateurish and hit and miss. The more stylized she tries to become, the better. The story is clumsily written but sweet and touching.

With a little help from your inner eight year old, you’ll probably enjoy this comic. Just stay away from the main series which doesn’t have an ounce of girl power to save it.

 The Crow: Death and Rebirth # 1

John Shirley has a minor masterpiece on his hands. His ability to make the somewhat strained concept of this comic perfectly organic and believable is a miracle. This comic is very much as advertised. A re-imagining of James O’Barr’s original Crow series set in Japan. 

Kevin Colden’s art is shoddy but Matthew Wilson’s colors perform an intricate dance with Shirley’s script to tell a tale of intimacy, alienation, horror and loss.  With elements of Elizabeth Bathory and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, let’s hope future issues don’t let violence trump brooding.

Put this issue at the top of your pull list or at least near it.

(Were you expecting a longer review on this one? Hey I've got two more to do. I'm sure someone's already stopped reading at this point. Give me a break blogospehere!)

 Eerie: #1

$2.99 for this? Eerie has to be the best value in comics around. This horror anthology is exactly what the doctor ordered for anyone sick of mainstream comics, who needs a break from superhero crossovers, or just wants to remember why they fell in love with comics in the first place.

The first story is a grizzly atmospheric “what if” type of horror story by (in my mind, super star) David Lapham. 

The final story is a strange, sad yarn that flirts with purple prose. Despite Richard Corben’s art which appears to have been done by at least three different people, this story is a definite hit. 

The palate cleansing second offering would be funny and stupid to anyone save a die hard Twilight Zone aficionado or someone from an extra terrestrial culture. The true standout in this compilation is Christopher A. Taylor’s “Beta-Eden”, a tale of the joyous discovery of a new Earth that goes horribly, horribly wrong. This gruesome tale hits on every psychosexual anxiety the male mind could possibly conceive of. At times you truly feel for the “villains” without ever loosing your perspective of being firmly in the protagonist’s skin. 

Dial back your time machines to the late 50’s, make sure your parents aren’t looking and climb up to your treehouse with this excellent read.

 I Feel Sick #1

Oh, Jhonen Vasquez, as always the fundamental issue at hand is madness; the “madness” of social norms, the “madness” that is dealing with other people, the “madness” of creativity and the creeping madness that can screw you up for ever.

Our heroine, Devi is a freelance artist who has finally landed a descent gig. Unfortunately, it is taking up all of her time, making her a little crazy. (Not that she’s the poster child of normalcy any way.) 

To make matters worse, an horrific-baby-doll-version-of-herself painting has begun to talk to her. Jhonen’s work, even his kid cartoon Invader Zim, is about some force trying to drive someone insane; a force you yourself feel while reading his work. You ache with anxiety over the dark broodings of his heroes and heroines. Inwardly, you laugh maniacally at the gruesome whack-a-do comedy. You note with pleasure the ransom non sequiturs, all the while wondering, “Should I really be enjoying this?” 

If you suffer from mental illness put this comic down NOW and go see if the ten year olds have left any copies of Scooby Doo on the shelf. But then again if you weren’t a little mentally ill, you probably wouldn’t enjoy this comic anyway.

5/24/12

This week’s installment of Gonzo’s Dressing Room has the theme of surprising reactions. I’d like to think I know myself, at least as well as most others do, but did I ever find my responses to these comics unexpected. (There is also a truly shocking tidbit in here. You’ll know it when you read it.)

Dan the Unharmable #1

: David Lapham’s crude, violent, and slightly perverted tale of an invulnerable border-line street person named...wait for it...“Dan” is your typical “edgy”  offering from “Crossed” and “Lady Death” imprint Avatar (It’s the kind of drivel that forces me to write run-on sentences). Raphael Ortiz’s art is solid but nothing to get excited about. If he’s getting payed more than Digikore Studios who handle the coloring duties, then there is no justice in the world. 

Dan is awakened from a dream in which he is in bed with six women in time to retrieve an adult film from its college girl star. Her dubious innocence in all of this goes right out the window when she “pays” Dan with “special favors”. (Thankfully “off-screen”.) Dan later comes across a mysterious would-be client with ties to both himself and a grizzly homicide.

Between the disemboweling and references to fish in certain orifices there is some kind of warm hearted charm in this mess. Dan is no simpleton but lives simply. He is a quasi-philosophic beach bum at heart; the reader ends up liking him despite himself. This comic has earned my perusal of issue #2 but, be warned Avatar, don’t push it.

Batgirl #9: 

Oh, Gail, Gail, Gail. Miss Simone does her best in this, part question mark in the hopefully very limited crossover “Night of the Owls”. Apparently, the Waynes family and there favorite son Batman aren’t the only power brokers with a long history in Gotham city. So these owl guys try and overthrow everything Bats and the Waynes have built. Or something. I’m not shelling out the bucks needed to properly understand what the heck is going on. 

Gail Simone, of course, writes beautifully and this comic is a visceral thrill-ride. She just can’t seem to shine as brilliantly as if she weren’t unchained by somebody else’s money making scheme of a story-line. I tweeted her basically just that. To which she REPLIED “Really? I love the Owls!” I guess when your a big shot comic author you don’t need to worry about a weekly comics budget.

Ardian Syaf’s pencils provide a highly cinematic experience but this guy can only manage to draw Commissioner Gordon with consistent flair. His style is fond of the kind of heavy lines that do wonders on a trench-coat but look odd when he has to drop them completely for Batgirl’s face.

Let’s hope the sun rises on the Night of the Owls soon. Because honestly, it’s putting me to sleep.

Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms #1:

Two small time criminals and adventurers whose names I can’t recall and won’t look up (this book has a problem with too many names that sound like they came out of a random syllable generator) stumble upon the kidnapping of a princess who initially doesn’t really mind being kidnapped. Things turn ugly (though we aren’t told exactly WHY) and the duo is cursed to save the girl or suffer a grizzly fate. 

Ed Greenwood, yes ED GREENWOOD, handles the script and boy... I somehow wish he doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong, Greenwood is a master novelist. But this isn’t a novel. In fact, it wouldn’t even make half a chapter. When word struggles against image the intent of the comic medium falls flat on its face. This doesn’t quite happen, but it gets close. I can’t help feeling that I’d like the illustration to go away completely. (Len Ferguson’s shoddy line work doesn’t exactly help.)

I look ahead to the next issue with wary optimism that I’m half-convinced is entirely misplaced.

So, in summation; good comics are now bad and bad comics are now good. Gail Simone TWEETS ME and it’s to disagree with me. Apparently we’re living in Bizarro World. 

Join us next time when hopefully Earth will still be spinning on its axis and squirrels haven’t become our overlords.

First Bi-annual Golden Chicken Awards

Hello everyone out there in internet land. Due to my inability to get to my local comic shop this week I’ve decided to delight you all with a mid-year awards edition of Gonzo’s Dressing Room. 

We have four catagories this time. (Readers, feel free to suggest more for the December edition.)  Each winner will receive a golden chicken, found at http://www.stress-balls.co.uk/farm-animal-stress-balls/stress-golden-chicken/ (If the winners some how find out about this I will be glad to buy them a physical version of their award picture.)

Best Writer Nominees:

James Robinson

Gail Simone

Geoff Johns

Kaitlyn R. Keirnan

And the winner is... 

James Robinson!

Best Artist  Nominees:

Rob Liefeld

Cliff Chiang

Fiona Staples

Nicola Scott

And the winner is...

Fiona Staples!

Best Character Nominees:

Sinestro

John Stewart

Hope Summers

Alana from Saga

And winner is...

John Stewart!

Best Single Issue Nominees: 

Avengers Vs. X-Men #0

Lenore #6

Earth 2 #1

Saga #1

And the winner is...

Saga #1!

(Dear readers, I know you want to argue with my picks. Please do, the “reply” button DOES have a function.) For those of you who come to this site solely for the occasional “hot chick” picture, this call for comments doesn’t involve you! :)

5/9/12

Well here we are again, another week and another set of comics to review. Wait a minute... it’s still the same week as my last post? Either I’ve become extraordinarily productive or I must be behind again. I think we all know which one it is. So as not to overwhelm my readers with too much of my brilliant blogging masterwork, (Read semi-coherent ramblings.) I have decided to be brief. Considering I just said that I should get right to it and not write this very sentence that you are hopefully reading now. Now... onward!

Courtney Crumrin #1: 

I love the idea of this book: A little goth girl moves into a new town  and meets a tween witch who shows her the ways of magic and friendship. If only writer/artist Ted Naifeh didn’t make it all seem too awkward. Naifeh is no rookie and particularly well versed in this type of material so it’s a wonder that this stuff isn’t spectacular. His world-building and plotting is top-notch but it all comes off a bit clunky. His inability to draw fingers that look like anything besides knife-like claws mirrors his jerky narration and clumsy pacing. If I may borrow a line from Shakespeare, “He plays his prologue like a child on a recorder. In sound but not in government.

I hope it’s not too late to relive you of the impression that this isn’t a good comic. (And I don’t just say that in case the forty-year-old virile looking Ted reads this and decides to to me in.) Courtney Crumrin is an adorable, highly relatable character (Even if she doesn’t seem to have a nose.) I’m sure a younger audience would be more forgiving, I’m just jaded. If I see a comic with a raven haired bespectacled girl in pigtails on the cover I expect a comic at least as good a Roman Dirge’s Lenore. So anyway, pick this series up. I’ll be doing so as well.

 Earth 2 #1:

Wow, wow, wow! How do I even discuss this triumph of sequential storytelling without giving huge plot points away? Well here goes. Remember when the DC Universe had 52 parallel Earths? Well apparently the new re-launched universe has at least 2. Here on the second world Parademons from Apokolips have nearly destroyed earth. Many heroes are dead and Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman devise a plan to take the fight to the front lines and put an end to the threat. 

Writer James Robinson shows you don’t need to be named Geoff Johns or have twelve issues to write a powerfully visceral epic. I can only compare the experience of reading this comic to reading KIngdom Come in one easy to swallow issue. I only fear that with so much done in the premiere issue and so much of the world changed there’s no way to follow it.

I particularly recommend this title to casual fans of the DCU. The story’s presentation doesn’t demand you know much at all about what’s going on elsewhere. As long as you have developed a relationship with Supes, Bats and Wondie you’ll get a lot out of Earth 2.

I would be horribly remiss if I didn’t laud the artwork of Nicola Scott. This woman is a magician with a pencil. From big moments to small, she carries the script into your eyes smoothly, demanding your attention but never to the detriment of the writing. Her version of Wonder Woman is simply the best I’ve ever seen. I’m counting the seconds until she collaborates with Gail Simone again. These two lovely ladies are at the top of their industry and compliment each other perfectly. (Perhaps they share a brain.) 

Dear Time Warner, keep churning out masterpieces like this with geniuses like Robinson and Scott and forget about lining your pockets with dirty marketing tricks. Allowing books like this to be produced will get you even more obscenely rich much faster.

So much traffic!

On the occasion of 300 hits most bloggers would post a sexy picture of a luscious female superhero stolen from someone else's blog or else commissioned from Deviantart or other art site. I have opted to express my sincere thanks to Berlinda, Ravenhaired, Ken, and Katie for helping to make this blog a larger success than I though possible. And for those of you who NEED a female hero pic here's one I drew myself...

300 Hits!

Rich Johnston’s Iron Muslim #1

Are you looking for a comic that will gravely insult all Muslims, all Americans and Robert Downey Jr.? Are you also looking for that book to be genuinely funny? Then Boom has the comic for you.

With the Avengers film in the wings, the entire property is ripe for parody. Al Quaeda supporter, Al Stark, invents a suit of weaponized armor and is forced to don it during an American attack. Al sets forth on a terrorist attack, destroying the Statue of Liberty with as LITTLE lose of life as possible. We only have one page that is really political. 

Not Batman soliloquies “I’m on the first ferry of the morning and I don’t know anything about Islam. I don’t need to. I only know about Al Quaeda. Okay, I don’t know why they do what they do. I don’t need to.” It’s only fair after making fun of Muslims and depicting them as terrorists that Johnston takes a few swipes at knee-jerk American aggression.

Al travels to meet his agent and proposes a blockbuster film showing how Al really SAVED America from an alien invasion and that the destruction of the Statue of Liberty was an unavoidable side-effect. 

At the premiere’s “After-After-After party” ,  Al is recruited into an organization know as the Avengefuls by a NIck Fury-esque David Hasselhoff. 

The art by Bryan Turner is fairly poor and caricatury but for a parody comic of this length it is better than I expected. The one shot adventures of other Avengefuls are forth coming.

 Avengers Assemble #2

This issue is a vast improvement to the first installment. We begin with the villain, Cancer of the Zodiac conferring with a mysterious cosmic force that gave the group its powers. The forces “evil” aims seem perfectly reasonable to me. “...I want cosmic, controlled balance. For once and for all time, I want there to be order to the chaos... For millennia, your world was USED as a genetic petri-dish by ALIEN RACES who say they are your FRIENDS...but treat you as test animals...The human race will NEVER evolve to its purest glory because it is DAMAGED.”

Putting the human genome back on track is surely a pursuit that would make your average superhero shutter. (But why ARE so many superheroes and villains from or based on Earth? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that most comic writers are from here.) 

Taurus of the Zodiac single handedly takes out most of the Avengers which he finds thrilling. When he knocks Thor into next Tuesday, he shouts out in half amazed psyched glee.

The Avengers regroup with an item stolen from the Zodiac. I won’t spoil the surprise but let’s say it’s a doozy. 

On the concluding page, six members of the Zodiac (Libra, Virgo, Aquarius, Gemini, Pisces, and Leo) crash Avengers’ HQ to steal back their treasure. 

Penciler Mark Bagley is a little inconsistent but fairly solid. Showing off major chops with Cancer’s insectoid armor. Brian Michael Bendis is really winning me over here. I’ve heard great things about this writer from friends, critics and certain pro-wrestlers’ Twitter accounts but haven’t seen it for myself until now. 

My advise, pick up this series and pretend that they treat Black Widow with the dignity she deserves.

 Alabaster Wolves #1

I have recently been told when a writer wishes to convey awe and majesty, he or she, should use a minimalist approach. If this is true, this review should end now. Caitlin R. Kiernan writes literary atmospheric horror like Leonardo De Vinci draws circles. (For those of you who may not have gotten the reference, good Ole Leonardo was said to be able to draw perfect circles freehand.)

The book stars fan favorite novel character, Dancy Flammarion. The character is subtle, complex, utterly alien, yet completely relatable. 

The actual content of the story sees Dancy approached by a mysterious stranger who engages her in a riddle contest for her life. Artist, Steve Lieber, is unknown to me due to my own negligence. This guy is definitely someone to watch. For those of you in the Northeast of America, Kiernan will be at Readercon, near Boston, this July. (You may see me there. I’ll be the one telling her she writes like Lovecraft if he were female and better.) For the rest of you, go out and buy all her books. Her run on the Dreaming comic, though brilliant, didn’t scratch the surface of her talent.  

4/24/12

Here in Gonzo’s Dressing Room we try to walk a fine line between giving the mainstream comic fan reviews of titles that they will enjoy as well as eschewing popularity for popularity’s sake. (Here in the Dressing Room we delight in the off-beat, the small-press and the over-looked. We also love using the word “eschewing”.)

In this review we’ve given ourselves over to equal time for some commercially successful books. (Perhaps against our better judgement...) 

 Avengers vs. X-Men #0

In our prologue, appropriately titled “Prologue”, we have two separate stories highlighting the two characters who in all probability will be central in the upcoming massive crossover event.

We begin on the streets of Washington D.C. where M.O.D.O.K. and a handful of other bizarre villains are running amok. I didn’t expect M.O.D.O.K. to be rocking the bald look but it somehow comes off less silly than his original do. Who comes to the rescue? The Scarlet Witch. If you’ve been following the X-Men and the Avengers for the past few years, you realize what a giant can of worms this is. If not, I have no where enough space to put you up to speed here. You could shell out hundreds of dollars for back issues trying to understand the full impact. (I suppose there is always Wikipedia).

Spider Woman and Ms. Marvel fly in for the assist. Scarlet Witch is very uncomfortable seeing her ex team-mates whom she has wronged so many times. The women insist that she return to the Avengers’ mansion as a lost friend and equal.

Most of the boys seem to be warily happy to see her. Except her husband the android, Vision. He summarily throws her out, turns his back on her and begins to cry. 

Next we have Hope Summers at the X-Men’s home of Utopia feeling restless. Cyclops plays the overbearing father and tries to badger her for her own protection. Of course, this fails and she flies off in a jet pack to foil a bank robbery. She more than holds her own against the entire Serpent Society. Cyclops and Emma Frost arrive just in time to keep Hope from beating one of the villains, Cottonmouth, to death.

We are reminded of Hope’s huge potential to be either the savior or destroyer of mutant-kind. From off in space, the Phoenix Force is coming for Hope. 

Frank Cho is the artist for both stories. His usual stunning work comes off very patchy. We have extremely low points, such as Hope mimicking Puff Adder’s powers to ridiculous highs such as the close-up of the Scarlet Witch about to cast a spell.

I need to make two more notes about the art work. One, why does Thor have to look EXACTLY like movie Thor? Two, yes a woman with gills for sideburns can be attractive.

The Scarlet Witch story is written by Brian Michael Bendis. His writing is very strong as well as is his cinematic scripting. Unfortunately, the two merge a little roughly. 

Jason Aaron has writing duty for the Hope story. Again, the quiet moments and the action don’t flow together as well as they could. There has been a tendency since the latest death of Jean Grey to portray Cyclops as a jerk. Aaron does a good job of maintaining the status quo.

A major comic crossover centered on two women? Somehow I don’t think this fact will do anything to lessen the testosterone fueled slug-fest this “event” will likely be. We could probably at least cut the issue count in half with a little superhero group therapy. (I wonder if Night Nurse knows any social workers?) 

Batman the Dark Knight #7

This issue is the stunning conclusion of this title’s premier story arc. The baleful Bane seeks to finish the job he started by breaking Batman’s back so many years ago. While Bane brandishes a boulder, Batman slips off into a bunker where Poison Ivy is being held in a tank to produce a new brand of the super villain steroid Venom. How a comic depicting White Rabbit manages to tastefully deal with the fact that Ivy is nude in the tank is beyond me. 

Ivy informs Bats that Bane must swallow a conveniently present antidote in order to be stopped. 

Eight pages of pommeling ensue, broken only by an odd interchange between Superman and the Flash. I may be missing something but isn’t Superman’s advise the exact opposite of what Batman told him? And it somehow works? Flash wants to get back to help Batman but Supes demands he goes to a hospital. (It’s as if he’s trying to foil Batman.) 

Just when all seems lost, and that Bane has battered Batman to his breaking point, the Flash arrives and tosses the antidote to Batman who throws it down Bane’s gullet. Bane is temporarily dispatched and is washed out with the tide. 

We learn of the mysterious connection between Bruce Wayne’s would-be-girlfriend from the first issue and the mysterious White Rabbit. The last two pages of this comic are about as anti-feminist as you can get. We are promised (perhaps warned)that the next story arc will be all about the buxom bunny. God have mercy on our souls.(Please excuse the frequent alliteration. I couldn’t help myself.)

Will we be witness to another tiresome tale of Batman’s “edgy” exploits here in Gonzo’s dressing room? The brevity of this review seems to say “no” but then again I haven’t the time to catch up on any of the other thirteen thousand Bat-titles out there so you’ll just have to wait and see.