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Rich Johnston’s Iron Muslim #1

Are you looking for a comic that will gravely insult all Muslims, all Americans and Robert Downey Jr.? Are you also looking for that book to be genuinely funny? Then Boom has the comic for you.

With the Avengers film in the wings, the entire property is ripe for parody. Al Quaeda supporter, Al Stark, invents a suit of weaponized armor and is forced to don it during an American attack. Al sets forth on a terrorist attack, destroying the Statue of Liberty with as LITTLE lose of life as possible. We only have one page that is really political. 

Not Batman soliloquies “I’m on the first ferry of the morning and I don’t know anything about Islam. I don’t need to. I only know about Al Quaeda. Okay, I don’t know why they do what they do. I don’t need to.” It’s only fair after making fun of Muslims and depicting them as terrorists that Johnston takes a few swipes at knee-jerk American aggression.

Al travels to meet his agent and proposes a blockbuster film showing how Al really SAVED America from an alien invasion and that the destruction of the Statue of Liberty was an unavoidable side-effect. 

At the premiere’s “After-After-After party” ,  Al is recruited into an organization know as the Avengefuls by a NIck Fury-esque David Hasselhoff. 

The art by Bryan Turner is fairly poor and caricatury but for a parody comic of this length it is better than I expected. The one shot adventures of other Avengefuls are forth coming.

 Avengers Assemble #2

This issue is a vast improvement to the first installment. We begin with the villain, Cancer of the Zodiac conferring with a mysterious cosmic force that gave the group its powers. The forces “evil” aims seem perfectly reasonable to me. “...I want cosmic, controlled balance. For once and for all time, I want there to be order to the chaos... For millennia, your world was USED as a genetic petri-dish by ALIEN RACES who say they are your FRIENDS...but treat you as test animals...The human race will NEVER evolve to its purest glory because it is DAMAGED.”

Putting the human genome back on track is surely a pursuit that would make your average superhero shutter. (But why ARE so many superheroes and villains from or based on Earth? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that most comic writers are from here.) 

Taurus of the Zodiac single handedly takes out most of the Avengers which he finds thrilling. When he knocks Thor into next Tuesday, he shouts out in half amazed psyched glee.

The Avengers regroup with an item stolen from the Zodiac. I won’t spoil the surprise but let’s say it’s a doozy. 

On the concluding page, six members of the Zodiac (Libra, Virgo, Aquarius, Gemini, Pisces, and Leo) crash Avengers’ HQ to steal back their treasure. 

Penciler Mark Bagley is a little inconsistent but fairly solid. Showing off major chops with Cancer’s insectoid armor. Brian Michael Bendis is really winning me over here. I’ve heard great things about this writer from friends, critics and certain pro-wrestlers’ Twitter accounts but haven’t seen it for myself until now. 

My advise, pick up this series and pretend that they treat Black Widow with the dignity she deserves.

 Alabaster Wolves #1

I have recently been told when a writer wishes to convey awe and majesty, he or she, should use a minimalist approach. If this is true, this review should end now. Caitlin R. Kiernan writes literary atmospheric horror like Leonardo De Vinci draws circles. (For those of you who may not have gotten the reference, good Ole Leonardo was said to be able to draw perfect circles freehand.)

The book stars fan favorite novel character, Dancy Flammarion. The character is subtle, complex, utterly alien, yet completely relatable. 

The actual content of the story sees Dancy approached by a mysterious stranger who engages her in a riddle contest for her life. Artist, Steve Lieber, is unknown to me due to my own negligence. This guy is definitely someone to watch. For those of you in the Northeast of America, Kiernan will be at Readercon, near Boston, this July. (You may see me there. I’ll be the one telling her she writes like Lovecraft if he were female and better.) For the rest of you, go out and buy all her books. Her run on the Dreaming comic, though brilliant, didn’t scratch the surface of her talent.  

4/24/12

Here in Gonzo’s Dressing Room we try to walk a fine line between giving the mainstream comic fan reviews of titles that they will enjoy as well as eschewing popularity for popularity’s sake. (Here in the Dressing Room we delight in the off-beat, the small-press and the over-looked. We also love using the word “eschewing”.)

In this review we’ve given ourselves over to equal time for some commercially successful books. (Perhaps against our better judgement...) 

 Avengers vs. X-Men #0

In our prologue, appropriately titled “Prologue”, we have two separate stories highlighting the two characters who in all probability will be central in the upcoming massive crossover event.

We begin on the streets of Washington D.C. where M.O.D.O.K. and a handful of other bizarre villains are running amok. I didn’t expect M.O.D.O.K. to be rocking the bald look but it somehow comes off less silly than his original do. Who comes to the rescue? The Scarlet Witch. If you’ve been following the X-Men and the Avengers for the past few years, you realize what a giant can of worms this is. If not, I have no where enough space to put you up to speed here. You could shell out hundreds of dollars for back issues trying to understand the full impact. (I suppose there is always Wikipedia).

Spider Woman and Ms. Marvel fly in for the assist. Scarlet Witch is very uncomfortable seeing her ex team-mates whom she has wronged so many times. The women insist that she return to the Avengers’ mansion as a lost friend and equal.

Most of the boys seem to be warily happy to see her. Except her husband the android, Vision. He summarily throws her out, turns his back on her and begins to cry. 

Next we have Hope Summers at the X-Men’s home of Utopia feeling restless. Cyclops plays the overbearing father and tries to badger her for her own protection. Of course, this fails and she flies off in a jet pack to foil a bank robbery. She more than holds her own against the entire Serpent Society. Cyclops and Emma Frost arrive just in time to keep Hope from beating one of the villains, Cottonmouth, to death.

We are reminded of Hope’s huge potential to be either the savior or destroyer of mutant-kind. From off in space, the Phoenix Force is coming for Hope. 

Frank Cho is the artist for both stories. His usual stunning work comes off very patchy. We have extremely low points, such as Hope mimicking Puff Adder’s powers to ridiculous highs such as the close-up of the Scarlet Witch about to cast a spell.

I need to make two more notes about the art work. One, why does Thor have to look EXACTLY like movie Thor? Two, yes a woman with gills for sideburns can be attractive.

The Scarlet Witch story is written by Brian Michael Bendis. His writing is very strong as well as is his cinematic scripting. Unfortunately, the two merge a little roughly. 

Jason Aaron has writing duty for the Hope story. Again, the quiet moments and the action don’t flow together as well as they could. There has been a tendency since the latest death of Jean Grey to portray Cyclops as a jerk. Aaron does a good job of maintaining the status quo.

A major comic crossover centered on two women? Somehow I don’t think this fact will do anything to lessen the testosterone fueled slug-fest this “event” will likely be. We could probably at least cut the issue count in half with a little superhero group therapy. (I wonder if Night Nurse knows any social workers?) 

Batman the Dark Knight #7

This issue is the stunning conclusion of this title’s premier story arc. The baleful Bane seeks to finish the job he started by breaking Batman’s back so many years ago. While Bane brandishes a boulder, Batman slips off into a bunker where Poison Ivy is being held in a tank to produce a new brand of the super villain steroid Venom. How a comic depicting White Rabbit manages to tastefully deal with the fact that Ivy is nude in the tank is beyond me. 

Ivy informs Bats that Bane must swallow a conveniently present antidote in order to be stopped. 

Eight pages of pommeling ensue, broken only by an odd interchange between Superman and the Flash. I may be missing something but isn’t Superman’s advise the exact opposite of what Batman told him? And it somehow works? Flash wants to get back to help Batman but Supes demands he goes to a hospital. (It’s as if he’s trying to foil Batman.) 

Just when all seems lost, and that Bane has battered Batman to his breaking point, the Flash arrives and tosses the antidote to Batman who throws it down Bane’s gullet. Bane is temporarily dispatched and is washed out with the tide. 

We learn of the mysterious connection between Bruce Wayne’s would-be-girlfriend from the first issue and the mysterious White Rabbit. The last two pages of this comic are about as anti-feminist as you can get. We are promised (perhaps warned)that the next story arc will be all about the buxom bunny. God have mercy on our souls.(Please excuse the frequent alliteration. I couldn’t help myself.)

Will we be witness to another tiresome tale of Batman’s “edgy” exploits here in Gonzo’s dressing room? The brevity of this review seems to say “no” but then again I haven’t the time to catch up on any of the other thirteen thousand Bat-titles out there so you’ll just have to wait and see.