4/24/12

Here in Gonzo’s Dressing Room we try to walk a fine line between giving the mainstream comic fan reviews of titles that they will enjoy as well as eschewing popularity for popularity’s sake. (Here in the Dressing Room we delight in the off-beat, the small-press and the over-looked. We also love using the word “eschewing”.)

In this review we’ve given ourselves over to equal time for some commercially successful books. (Perhaps against our better judgement...) 

 Avengers vs. X-Men #0

In our prologue, appropriately titled “Prologue”, we have two separate stories highlighting the two characters who in all probability will be central in the upcoming massive crossover event.

We begin on the streets of Washington D.C. where M.O.D.O.K. and a handful of other bizarre villains are running amok. I didn’t expect M.O.D.O.K. to be rocking the bald look but it somehow comes off less silly than his original do. Who comes to the rescue? The Scarlet Witch. If you’ve been following the X-Men and the Avengers for the past few years, you realize what a giant can of worms this is. If not, I have no where enough space to put you up to speed here. You could shell out hundreds of dollars for back issues trying to understand the full impact. (I suppose there is always Wikipedia).

Spider Woman and Ms. Marvel fly in for the assist. Scarlet Witch is very uncomfortable seeing her ex team-mates whom she has wronged so many times. The women insist that she return to the Avengers’ mansion as a lost friend and equal.

Most of the boys seem to be warily happy to see her. Except her husband the android, Vision. He summarily throws her out, turns his back on her and begins to cry. 

Next we have Hope Summers at the X-Men’s home of Utopia feeling restless. Cyclops plays the overbearing father and tries to badger her for her own protection. Of course, this fails and she flies off in a jet pack to foil a bank robbery. She more than holds her own against the entire Serpent Society. Cyclops and Emma Frost arrive just in time to keep Hope from beating one of the villains, Cottonmouth, to death.

We are reminded of Hope’s huge potential to be either the savior or destroyer of mutant-kind. From off in space, the Phoenix Force is coming for Hope. 

Frank Cho is the artist for both stories. His usual stunning work comes off very patchy. We have extremely low points, such as Hope mimicking Puff Adder’s powers to ridiculous highs such as the close-up of the Scarlet Witch about to cast a spell.

I need to make two more notes about the art work. One, why does Thor have to look EXACTLY like movie Thor? Two, yes a woman with gills for sideburns can be attractive.

The Scarlet Witch story is written by Brian Michael Bendis. His writing is very strong as well as is his cinematic scripting. Unfortunately, the two merge a little roughly. 

Jason Aaron has writing duty for the Hope story. Again, the quiet moments and the action don’t flow together as well as they could. There has been a tendency since the latest death of Jean Grey to portray Cyclops as a jerk. Aaron does a good job of maintaining the status quo.

A major comic crossover centered on two women? Somehow I don’t think this fact will do anything to lessen the testosterone fueled slug-fest this “event” will likely be. We could probably at least cut the issue count in half with a little superhero group therapy. (I wonder if Night Nurse knows any social workers?) 

Batman the Dark Knight #7

This issue is the stunning conclusion of this title’s premier story arc. The baleful Bane seeks to finish the job he started by breaking Batman’s back so many years ago. While Bane brandishes a boulder, Batman slips off into a bunker where Poison Ivy is being held in a tank to produce a new brand of the super villain steroid Venom. How a comic depicting White Rabbit manages to tastefully deal with the fact that Ivy is nude in the tank is beyond me. 

Ivy informs Bats that Bane must swallow a conveniently present antidote in order to be stopped. 

Eight pages of pommeling ensue, broken only by an odd interchange between Superman and the Flash. I may be missing something but isn’t Superman’s advise the exact opposite of what Batman told him? And it somehow works? Flash wants to get back to help Batman but Supes demands he goes to a hospital. (It’s as if he’s trying to foil Batman.) 

Just when all seems lost, and that Bane has battered Batman to his breaking point, the Flash arrives and tosses the antidote to Batman who throws it down Bane’s gullet. Bane is temporarily dispatched and is washed out with the tide. 

We learn of the mysterious connection between Bruce Wayne’s would-be-girlfriend from the first issue and the mysterious White Rabbit. The last two pages of this comic are about as anti-feminist as you can get. We are promised (perhaps warned)that the next story arc will be all about the buxom bunny. God have mercy on our souls.(Please excuse the frequent alliteration. I couldn’t help myself.)

Will we be witness to another tiresome tale of Batman’s “edgy” exploits here in Gonzo’s dressing room? The brevity of this review seems to say “no” but then again I haven’t the time to catch up on any of the other thirteen thousand Bat-titles out there so you’ll just have to wait and see.

4/13/12

Yes, I have been egregiously recalcitrant in my blogging duties. I have been busy to the gills lately and suffered from a stomach virus that would have put Galactus out of commission. With a little luck I will be catching up by posting once a day for a few days.

Here is today’s post with an opener I crafted back in March.

Dear readers, gentle readers, you’ve heard me complain about crappy comics and you’ve heard me complain about comics that treat woman in a not-so-positive light. What better way to shut me up for a week than to review two GOOD comics with strong female leads? (Oh, and to my as-of-yet single subscribed follower: MrScrappyDoo, if you were looking for a shout-out any earlier you should have named yourself “VelmaFan”.

Wonder Woman #7

In “Wondie’s” current iteration, most of the old rules are out the window. The series has a considerable Vertigo feel. Wonder Woman has been thrust into a power vacuum between the Greek gods. Zeus is missing and his child with a mortal threatens to be the new heir (Did I mention Wonder Woman herself is now a child of Zeus? ).

In this issue, Wonder Woman and her companions are preparing to entire Hades to rescue Diana’s soon-to-be aunt. They detour to Mt. Etna and Hephaestus’ forge.

We learn that all amazon boys are disposed of at birth but that Hephaestus has been trading weapons for them and putting them to work. Wonder Woman sees her brothers as slaves and attempts to rescue them. In the process, learning that even for the mighty Wonder Woman morals are not always black and white.

This title has the potential of turning off many classic Wonder Woman fans. Yet, the heart of the character stays true. Seeing how brilliantly, originally and appropriate to myth the various gods are depicted is alone worth the price of admission.

Dominique Laveau: Voodoo Child #1

For the sake of variation, let’s being with the art. At little more mainstream than typical Vertigo and a tad awkward but ultimately gorgeous. The multitude of often straight lines brings home the gravitas and mystery of the story and New Orleans itself. The way John Floyd’s inks lay atop Denys Cowan’s pencils is a truly symbiotic relationship. (And no, I am not discussing Venom.)

Selwyn Seyfu Hinds weaves a voodoo spell of his own with some truly superior writing. We meet Dominique on the first page, panicked and running. Helpless, but by no means fragile. Her Tulane University hoodie nearly being enough to show us her inner strength.

There is a werewolf on the loose and a strange cowboy-like figure who may be even more dangerous.

Later, a mysterious old man named Chancellor Malenfant, sums up the story’s world. “One hundred years of hard won peace. The days of blood between Loa, Loup Garou, Vampire, Witch Hunter and Houngan long behind us. And now...the bonds have torn. The balance is upset. Order MUST be restored.”

At the tomb of Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau, Dominique has a vision of the past where the Voodoo Queen was killed and is somehow noticed and attacked by what is certainly the same cow-boyish man that is stalking her now. (Do I see romance in the future?)

Dominique arrives home to the Garden district to find her aunt Giselle who raised her having been fatally attacked and spouting mysterious gibberish. It should take no stretch of the imagination to realize that Dominique is daughter and heir of Marie Laveau.

The story goes down as dark and smooth as Louisiana bourbon (which I’ve never tried, so of course I am assuming here.) and is a sophisticated, respectful take on that particularly New Orleans vibe.

After reading it, I feel like I have actually been there and know what is true and what is false in other stereotypical renderings of that most magic of cities.

3/27/12

Welcome again dear readers. I must shudder to think of how oft I left you wrenched with sighs and rending your garments waiting with baited breath for the next installment of Gonzo’s Dressing Room. (O.K. so realistically you probably have no idea if it’s been two days or two months since the last installment. I’m not kidding myself here.) But since my blog is yet again late and the next post may be even later, I’ve decided to bestow a quintet of reviews. Yes, five, count ‘em, five comics will be put under the microscope this week. (To save your eyes and brains undue stress I have kept them as succinct as practical.) So away we go...

Age of Apocalypse #1

Remember the Age of Apocalypse? Possibly the first X-Books- wide mega-event in which we see a world where Charles Xavier never founded the X-Men and Apocalypse

ran a planet-wide Darwinian mutant distopia? No, neither did I at first. Well, apparently this tangent world did not end. Big Blue has been overthrown but this universe’s Wolverine, now called Weapon Omega, has fallen right into Apocalypse’s shoes. ( See, see, I’ve always said Logan was the most potentially corruptible of the core X-men.)

David Lapham’s scripts are topnotch but I have a few bones to pick with Roberto De Latorre’s art. Admittedly, Jean Grey looks like Annie Lennox from the Eurythmics if back in the day Annie didn’t looked like she subsisted on krill. The shocking character revealed on the last page is simply sexy despite being male. Oh, yes, I was complaining...

De Latorre’s style is the kind of gritty realism I generally can only stomach from Alex Maleev. Also, one of the female characters has” breasts the size of her head syndrome.”

If you are as confused about what’s happening with the X-Men lately as I am, this is a great title to pick up, particularly as it seems it will not have major effects on any other X-title.

Avengers Assemble #1

I swear I’ve read this kind of stuff over and over again and considering it comes from Brian Michael Bendis, that’s quite a shocker. The art is passable but a little too “comicbooky”.

Bendis balances banter and combat well but he has no idea how to handle Black Widow. Natasha comes off as a straw feminist, at best. When Hawkeye half jokingly flirts with her, she doesn’t so much put him in his place as spur him on with a half-hearted rebuke.

I enjoyed seeing Thor out-muscled but I fear this is a typical case of making the bad guys their strongest at the beginning only to be easily defeated at the end of the story line.

Adventure Time with Finn and Jake #1

I promised a friend that I would review this book ,so although it hurts my ego, I will be gentle. Adventure Time is a Cartoon Network Show which I have never seen. The rollicking over-caffeinated, over-sugared zaniness must be pure crack to circa thirteen year olds. If you have either not seen the show or have a high school diploma,at least a bit of this comic will seem utterly nonsensical.

Finn, our main hero appears to be wearing a diaper on his head and his stretchy dog, Jake is an aesthetic horror show. I can just hear the toddlers in front of their t.v.s “ His eyes, his eyes, Mommy what’s wrong with the doggy’s eyes?” I do like Marceline the Vampire Queen though.

The first of the two stories is a to-be-continued in which a monster named the Lich returns to destroy the whole world by placing it in a bag of holding. ( Apparently, the series’s creator has spent some time at the Dungeons and Dragons table.) I hate to spoil a surprise, but it would be best not to have eaten anything too heavy when Finn puts on Jake as a battle suit.The Ice King, writing fan fiction, is a wonderful touch.

Moving on to the second story, Arron Renier is a much better writer than artist. I’m sure children would love his pencils but to me it seems like a horribly wrong mix of Doctor Suess and the Phantom Tollbooth.

The story is a silly, absurdist tale of mysterious cider from the sky and a mysterious mummy-wrapped figure. It is just gross enough to delight any red blooded eight-year-old boy. I have a huge spot in my heart for this tale’s protagonist, “Tree Trunks”.

I picked up the third printing of this book along with issue #2 so I will refrain from making a final decision on the title’s worthiness until I have perused the second comic. If you have kids however, be prepared to be seeing a LOT of “Diaper Head and Horror Eyes” in the future!

Green Lantern #7

Geoff Johns is a genius. He may not be the best comic writer of all time but for my money he is definitely very close to the top. His work and this Green Lantern run in particular has me finishing an issue and saying “ I want to know what happens next NOW.” No comic has ever made be say this so strongly in my life.

I am angered, shocked and a little hurt that the Indigo tribe appears to be a cult. The evidence is scant however, and the neck manacle placed on the Black Hand at the end of Blackest Night now adorns every Tribe member. Perhaps they’re under someone else’s control.

Sinistro must really learn to knock. Every time he visits Hal Jordan, Carol Ferris is nude in bed. Carol’s Star Sapphire outfit has long been the bane of every female comic fan. It’s about as degrading and antifeminist as possible. I’m not defending it but she does don her ring to kick some Indigo One and Sinistro butt to save her boyfriend,Hal.

Most DC comics and Green Lantern in particular, are way short on content but for my money this is the best mainstream book out there.

Saga #1

I have been sitting in rapturous awe trying to decide how to start this review. Well, I suppose I just did. On the fringes of comic fandom this comic has been hyped like the second coming of Neil Gaiman and Alan Moore’s final work combined. They have not done it enough justice. The opening scene is the best I can ever remember reading in my twenty plus years as a comic fan.

I have not experienced such a visceral joy reading a comic since Wendy and Richard Pini’s Elf Quest showed me that there were more to comics than Iron Man punching Fin Fang Foom.

Brian Vaughan is obviously trying very hard to please every possible comic fan while staying true to his own vision. I find there to be a bit too much violence. I do not believe I can make any other complaint.

This comic would be nothing more than one of the greatest novels ever written without the art work of Fiona Staples. I would be glad for this comic to come out quarterly or even bi-yearly if that’s what it took to keep her gorgeous art at this level.

My only concern is that they may have outdone themselves. How does one possible top this issue? And how can Hazel possibly be as interesting as her parents?

You may have been wondering what I meant by saying this blog is from a “slightly skewed perspective” . Let me give you a little clue. My favorite character in

the whole issue is Prince Robot IV ‘s alligator butler who appears in only one panel.

If you can find this comic BUY IT NOW. I’ll be at the zoo trying to teach an alligator to wear kid gloves.

St. Patrick's Day Reviews

Welcome back to another addition of Gonzo’s Dressing Room. You’ll have to excuse me if my writing seems a bit anemic as I am currently suffering from the insidious plague know as a severe head cold. But I couldn’t deny my couples of readers their ranty comic review fix. Moving right along:

Magic the Gathering #2

Really, vampires? We rejoin Dack as he “plane walks” to the realm of Innistrad, a Ravenloft-esque world that is an odd mixture of Renaissance, Gothic and Elizabethan Europe. And as I said, there are vampires.

Haven’t we experienced every possible permutation of the blood suckers in recent years? I for one think the undead should crawl back into their coffins for another ten years or so until they can be properly reinvented again.

Dack saves the life of a vampire huntress named Ingrid. Of course, she later returns the favor and the two escape to the house of Ingrid’s father, a hook-handed ex-vampire hunter or “Cathar” who looks like he is a relative of Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

We learn that the mysterious blade Dack steals in issue #1 has the power to control the vampires of Innistrad and that the series’ villainess, Sifa Grent destroyed Dack’s hometown hoping he was there, as she feeds-off magic users.

This comic seems more an ad for the card game than a legitimate story on its own. Writer Matt Forbeck writes as if this was his first title and the story-line feels as if its main point is to make the magic Collectable Card Game seem eclectic and fast paced.

I’m giving this book one final issue to get its feet underneath it.

Ralph Wiggum #1

I have been collecting Simpson’s Comics since the Simpson’s Comics and Stories one-shot way back in 1993. A few years ago I found myself not wanting to read them. I have a terrible habit of not reading all the comics I purchase but with the vast majority, I at least have every INTENTION of reading them; not so the Simpson’s. I found the humor getting worse and worse, to the point where I couldn’t even see how someone ELSE could find it amusing.

Then I heard of the Ralph Wiggum one-shot. What can it hurt? I thought. The Lisa Simpson one-shot was one of my favorite comics ever as a teen. And then there is my best friend. I wouldn’t ever be able to look her in the face again if I couldn’t even shell out $2.99 for a comic starring her beloved Ralphie. I have a theory why she has such a large spot in her heart for the pudgy little guy. He is unflappably optimistic and very dimwitted. Two descriptors that no one would ever apply to her.

But I’ve fallen into the old bloggers trap and dove off into a huge tangent. I assume my readership actually wants to know what the comic is like. Right? Ralph Wiggum #1 is a nearly unqualified success. I laughed out loud on the FIRST PAGE. The book is made up of five stories, mostly written by women. Unthinkably, Sergio Aragones does the worst job.

The final story, “Ralph the Role Model”, by Jesse McCann, is slightly weak and lacks a bit of Ralph’s charm but James Lloyd’s pencils are the strongest in the book. I felt like I was looking at Matt Groening’s own work. For flat out brilliance, however, look to “Ralph Wiggum’s Day Off” written and drawn by the infinitely talented Carol Lay. I will provide a link to her homepage. Please spend a lot of money on her work and not just because she is attractive. http://www.carollay.com/index.html

I applaud the low price on what is essentially a kid’s comic. Bongo has resisted the urge to but a collector’s item price on a book with more actual content than many of the mainstream titles out there. Moms and Dads will feel better about picking this comic up for their kids since they don’t have to shell out, with tax, over five bucks for it. Little Susie can get her Ralphie comic AND apple slices from McDonalds.

I leave you dear readers with a challenge: Sergio has a seek-and-find style “Where’s Ralph?” page. I found the little guy in 15.9 seconds. Go out and buy this book NOW so you can thumb your score of 13.4 in my face.

3/6/12

New comics come out tomorrow and I haven’t even reviewed anything from a week ago? To properly express my feelings, I have, at great personal expense, brought in the Mighty Thor. Thor, if you would:

“I SAY THEE NEIGH!”

Thank you Odinson, that was splendid. Now on to the reviews.

Victorian Secret, Girls of Steampunk: Winter Wardrobe #1:

How, one might ask, does one review an art comic? Or, for that matter, why would someone who has repeatedly decried the sexist portrayal of women in comics even want to? The answer: I’ll do my best to explain.

Let’s begin with the second question about my motives: I was curious. I thought, “It can’t be THAT bad, right?” I mean, the woman on the cover may technically be topless but she has beautiful green eyes and chic black lipstick. At worst, I’ll give my hormones a little treat and regret shelling out $3.99 for garbage pin-up art and be able to immortalize the mistake in this blog.

The girls are really a mixed bag; everywhere from classy to slutty, well-executed to amateurish, very steampunk to “why is she in here anyway?” I will show you the best and worst out of 27 pieces. Let’s pray you can tell which is which.

My recommendation? This is a decent primer for steampunk fan art. The Steampunk Glamour Review does a better job of immersing you in the real culture but it’s a bit less accessible. With the genre staying red hot and gaining mainstream recognition, this might not be as bad a buy as it first appears to be.

Batman the Dark Knight #6:

In the issues leading up to this one, Batman has been encountering a large cross section of his rogue’s gallery hopped up on a fear-based chemical that gives them enormous strength and reduces them to rage-filled simpletons. And yet, I never suspected Bane. I know, this was a rather open-and-shut case and being the greatest detective of all time, Bruce Wayne should have had this figured out in six pages not have it sprung on him in six issues. And everyone reading should have gotten it too. I freely admit to getting too absorbed in a comic that I never see ANYTHING coming. I feel the emotive minutia and miss the forest for the trees. And David Finch’s story is miles away from the beauty and sophistication of Neil Gaiman’s Death of Bruce Wayne.

The comic opens with Superman having beat the daylights out of Batman. (Hey, haven’t we seen these guys fight enough? Batman is brains, Sups is brawn. Given enough time to prepare, Bats wins, if he doesn’t he looses, end of story, try something new D.C.) Batman has been infected with the power toxin and somehow getting his butt handed to him worked the juice out. So all you fans who wanted to see Bruce die in issue six and never wanted to read any more of this hot hot title will be disappointed.

Flash has also been exposed and is trying to run the toxin out of his system by circling the globe full tilt. Bruce tells Clark that Flash’s efforts are counterproductive and that he has essentially become a bomb. Sups arrives at Flash’s side and tells him...to keep running? Either Finch is being intentionally confusing or he’s cooking something sinister up.

Paul Jenkins’ art is gritty and detailed and pleasing to the eye. The lingerie decked White Rabbit is a adolescent testosterone fueled fever dream and could, and probably should, have been done away with entirely.

For my money, the real story in this title is the political turmoil Commissioner Gordon has found himself in. Gotham is swarming with villains, mob-bosses and corrupt officials. One of Gordon’s lieutenants has been given a taste of power and is gunning for his boss’ job. LT. Forbes is cozying up to the mayor and painting Gordon as an out of control maverick who is entirely too comfortable with the “menace” Batman.

Dark Knight doesn’t quite make the cut for top five of the new 52 but it definitely has its high points. I know 90% of my male readers will be scratching their heads as to why I’m not gaga over this book. But hey, I’m the critic, baffling criticism is in the job description.

And now, let me leave you with a little reminder that your local comic shop has lots of cool stuff besides comics and that there is never a wrong time for combat boots.

2/25/12

Army of Darkness #1:

Since I DO have pictures of the covers of the comics I, uh, COVER, let’s talk about Tim Seeley’s artwork here for a moment. Our heroine is very sexy and reasonably human shaped, not MANY humans look like that but she’s well within the realm of physical possibility. And what’s more, they beef-cake Ash out too. Eye-candy for everyone? It pales in comparison to a realistic depiction of the human anatomy for everyone but I’ll take what I can get.

Eliott R. Serrano’s script follows Ash from the Army Of Darkness film, but instead we have a woman named Ashley in Ash’s shoes. Changing the hero to a heroine isn’t a trick used often outside of fan-art and fan-fic and it usually turns out horribly and as sexist as physically possible. Not here though.

Ashley and her boyfriend Brad go out parking one night when a meteor strikes near them. The shining sphere in the crater turns Brad into a deadite (read zombie for those of you uninitiated in the Evil Dead series.) while it grants Ashley some groovy powers.

Ash does show up, in word only, but we are assured he will be a major part of the story. Ashley is a no-nonsense girl and without her male counterpart to throw in some guffaws, we are temporarily given an insect-man who seems to be channeling Ted Raimi at his worst. I don’t want to give too much of the plot away but Ashley insinuates herself as a court magician for Cleopatra when all hell breaks loose. A mysterious robed figure wants Ashley and Ash to form an alliance as this will help bring about some nefarious plan. (and hints that there have been or are more “chosen ones” like our hero and heroine.)

I praised the cover but Marat Mychaels’ interior art is less stellar. Ashley is a bit more “dreamy” than in Seely’s work but still anatomically possible. I am pleased that we only have one gratuitous butt shot. It’s really not that bad and my main beef with it is that you never see, say Superman, get the same treatment. If we must provide fodder for comic fans’ hormones let’s at least be equal opportunity about it.

This book is good, not damn good, but good. I’ve subscribed at my local comic shop and if you’re looking for my recommendation let me just say: “Hail to the (Queen) baby!”

Gobs #4

I shed a tear because it’s over. This is the final issue of the Gobs mini-series, drawn, inked and written by Richard Moore. (There is far and away a disproportionate number of comic creators with this sir-name. Are they all descended from the same ancient Irish master bard?)

The story centers around Gretch’, a bespectacled half-“Gob” or Goblin and her best friend/crush Milo, who is a mere quarter Gob. The pair, along with their friends, are banned for life from an elf bar due to the Gob race’s reputation as reprobates. (Of course, Wiggy and Truffle, having torn up the place and having “made sweet love” to a moose-head, didn’t exactly help matters.)

With the aide of shapely elf maiden Heather, they decide to build their own pub. Despite Gretch’s misgivings the new establishment is constructed inside a petrified giant’s carcass. When the house security system is accidentally activated, the giant goes on a rampage.

This is all aside from the tale of Gretch’s lovelorn angst. Milo has his eye on Heather and the more Gretch’ tries to lure his mind away, the more his mind stays on the elf. (Whose measurements appear to be in the 36-11-36 range.)

This book is 50% sketches and advertising and the end is not as satisfying as I’d hoped, but you’d be remiss not to hunt down this charming, whimsical, saucy, and hysterical small-press gem. This great mini is proof that if you’ve just been reading the “big two” publishers you’re missing out on a whole multiverse of comics to your own detriment.

Late, late, for a very important blog.

You know what it’s like. A self-imposed deadline and the days just drip away into the paper cup of procrastination. (Apparently all this time hasn’t affected my penchant for over-writing.)

Well let’s get right to it. I’m sure my millions (read couples) of fans are dying for this week’s installment of Gonzo’s Dressing Room.

Secret Avengers #22:

A whole new story-line, a whole new creative team and new members. I’m not as interested in that as seeing an Arthur Adams cover. I’d gladly fork over $3.99 if this book were blank inside.

The story opens in Pakistan where, predictably, an Islamic terrorist attack is about to occur. Really? A cliche on page one? Are we to believe that EVERY village in the Muslim world is crawling with Jihadis? Why don’t we ever get a comic about Yusuf Islam or Benazir Bhutto? Writer Rick Remender doesn’t even bother translating “Allah is Great” into Punjabi for us. Thanks for TRYING to bring some locational flavor to the table.

Anyway, returning from my rant, a young mother with child in arms, shrinks from an incendiary explosive blast and swallows it: but then loses control and levels a much wider area with the energies she has absorbed into her body. The terrorist leader knocks her out with the butt of his rifle and drags her off.

Next we are shown four locations around the globe where some kind of super-powered sleeper agents are activated spouting quasi-religious babble. It’s meant to sound cosmic and sinister but comes off as nonsense. If you want this kind of dialogue get Jim Starlin of the Infinite Gauntlet or Dan Abnet’s Thanos Imperative.

Next we travel to England where Captain Britain is protecting The Queen from a giant monster made of people controlled by psychic villain, Riot. We miss out on a discussion of social issues here. I know this comic packs a lot in but lines like, “While we lower class wretches go hungry, the queen and her pigs feed at the trough of decadence.” and “I understand the frustration of the people...but you’re using their misfortune to further YOUR cause, not theirs.” demands further attention. (Maybe it’s just that I’ve been listening to too much Chumbawamba but I’m feeling rather pro-working-class revolution lately.)

Next we discover the strangest yet coolest conceit of the book; that there are over a thousand parallel realities, each of which is defended from inter-dimensional dangers by the Captain Britain of every world. I freely admit this is a great idea. Why Cap Britain though? Did someone lay off Man-Thing? Does Alan Moore know?

Captain Britain is next transported aboard a satellite by Captain America who asks him to join the titular Secret Avengers. Here he meets the team he expects to lead: Beast, Ant-Man, Valkyrie and Black Widow. Things are going well and Captain Britain begins his “taking the reigns speech” when he is shot in the mouth by a bubblegum arrow. Hawkeye is in attendance and HE has been selected by Steve Rogers to lead the team. Giving the lead position in a barely functional team to the wisecracking bravo is sure to be a popular decision with readers and by it’s pure surface stupidity is sure to lead to some interesting stories.

As far as grasping the soul of the characters goes, Remender does stunningly well with Beast. Hank McCoy is a stunningly complex character and portraying him well is a major challenge. I have a particular soft spot for Beast so when I say he’s being used well, he’s truly being used spectacularly. Unfortunately the ladies are static cardboard cutouts. I’d refer you to Feminist Frequency and the Bechdel Test clip in particular but I think if I link you to it, showing you around seven minutes of a woman with highly phallic and yonic earrings discussing the lack of fully realized women characters in movies, I’d lose virtually my entire readership. At least when Valkyrie and Black Widow DO talk it’s to ridicule Hawkeye and Cap Britain on acting like squabbling little boys.

The group scrambles to the terrorists’ lair where our four villains have congregated to acquire the Pakistani woman for unknown nefarious purposes. A top notch seven page battle ensues but the bad guys get away. This leads to the final page; the page that has hooked me on this comic and will guarantee you hear about it again on this blog.

Lady Deathstrike stands at the foot of an oval table, a gaunt old man sits at the head surrounded by what appears to be a caped Sentinel, Vision, a bionic Wasp, a female android, Red Skull, Nick Fury and Doctor Doom. This leader of leaders has a warning for the Secret Avengers: “They will find us. We will kill some of them. The event will begin.”