You know what it’s like. A self-imposed deadline and the days just drip away into the paper cup of procrastination. (Apparently all this time hasn’t affected my penchant for over-writing.)
Well let’s get right to it. I’m sure my millions (read couples) of fans are dying for this week’s installment of Gonzo’s Dressing Room.
Secret Avengers #22:
A whole new story-line, a whole new creative team and new members. I’m not as interested in that as seeing an Arthur Adams cover. I’d gladly fork over $3.99 if this book were blank inside.
The story opens in Pakistan where, predictably, an Islamic terrorist attack is about to occur. Really? A cliche on page one? Are we to believe that EVERY village in the Muslim world is crawling with Jihadis? Why don’t we ever get a comic about Yusuf Islam or Benazir Bhutto? Writer Rick Remender doesn’t even bother translating “Allah is Great” into Punjabi for us. Thanks for TRYING to bring some locational flavor to the table.
Anyway, returning from my rant, a young mother with child in arms, shrinks from an incendiary explosive blast and swallows it: but then loses control and levels a much wider area with the energies she has absorbed into her body. The terrorist leader knocks her out with the butt of his rifle and drags her off.
Next we are shown four locations around the globe where some kind of super-powered sleeper agents are activated spouting quasi-religious babble. It’s meant to sound cosmic and sinister but comes off as nonsense. If you want this kind of dialogue get Jim Starlin of the Infinite Gauntlet or Dan Abnet’s Thanos Imperative.
Next we travel to England where Captain Britain is protecting The Queen from a giant monster made of people controlled by psychic villain, Riot. We miss out on a discussion of social issues here. I know this comic packs a lot in but lines like, “While we lower class wretches go hungry, the queen and her pigs feed at the trough of decadence.” and “I understand the frustration of the people...but you’re using their misfortune to further YOUR cause, not theirs.” demands further attention. (Maybe it’s just that I’ve been listening to too much Chumbawamba but I’m feeling rather pro-working-class revolution lately.)
Next we discover the strangest yet coolest conceit of the book; that there are over a thousand parallel realities, each of which is defended from inter-dimensional dangers by the Captain Britain of every world. I freely admit this is a great idea. Why Cap Britain though? Did someone lay off Man-Thing? Does Alan Moore know?
Captain Britain is next transported aboard a satellite by Captain America who asks him to join the titular Secret Avengers. Here he meets the team he expects to lead: Beast, Ant-Man, Valkyrie and Black Widow. Things are going well and Captain Britain begins his “taking the reigns speech” when he is shot in the mouth by a bubblegum arrow. Hawkeye is in attendance and HE has been selected by Steve Rogers to lead the team. Giving the lead position in a barely functional team to the wisecracking bravo is sure to be a popular decision with readers and by it’s pure surface stupidity is sure to lead to some interesting stories.
As far as grasping the soul of the characters goes, Remender does stunningly well with Beast. Hank McCoy is a stunningly complex character and portraying him well is a major challenge. I have a particular soft spot for Beast so when I say he’s being used well, he’s truly being used spectacularly. Unfortunately the ladies are static cardboard cutouts. I’d refer you to Feminist Frequency and the Bechdel Test clip in particular but I think if I link you to it, showing you around seven minutes of a woman with highly phallic and yonic earrings discussing the lack of fully realized women characters in movies, I’d lose virtually my entire readership. At least when Valkyrie and Black Widow DO talk it’s to ridicule Hawkeye and Cap Britain on acting like squabbling little boys.
The group scrambles to the terrorists’ lair where our four villains have congregated to acquire the Pakistani woman for unknown nefarious purposes. A top notch seven page battle ensues but the bad guys get away. This leads to the final page; the page that has hooked me on this comic and will guarantee you hear about it again on this blog.
Lady Deathstrike stands at the foot of an oval table, a gaunt old man sits at the head surrounded by what appears to be a caped Sentinel, Vision, a bionic Wasp, a female android, Red Skull, Nick Fury and Doctor Doom. This leader of leaders has a warning for the Secret Avengers: “They will find us. We will kill some of them. The event will begin.”
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