2/10/12

Hawk and Dove #6:

Yes. I will openly admit this comic is utter dreck. But you see, I first cut my teeth as a comic fan on Iron Man in the late eighties and settled into a one title for life complacency. Then one day in 1991, my best friend ran to my house with the newest coolest thing: X-Force #1. Rob Liefeld’s art spoke to my jaded, grungeish sensibility. I was ten years old damn it, time for kick-ass comics, time for edgy comics, time for “REAL” comics. My formative years were full of daydreams about being rescued by Domino or eviscerated by Feral. (I’ve always liked strong women. I never cared if beating me up or even killing me outright was within their power.) I still have a weak spot for Liefeld’s art, even though he’s one of the more egregious “women don’t look like that” offenders. This would be well and good but for the chilling fact that Rob also WRITES this thing.

In the first story arc, Hawk and Dove get the dodgy “how much backstory still exists” treatment. We know that our heroes have been given extra-human powers by the “gods” in order to be the “Avatar of War” and the “Avatar of Peace” receptively but apparently the original Dove (original Hawk, Hank Hall’s little brother) is dead. The new female Dove, Dawn Granger’s, backstory is almost completely ignored aside from the fact that she is still in the romantic relationship with Deadman that started in the Brightest Day mini-series.

Presumably as a desperate plea for more readers, Liefeld has awkwardly crammed Batman and Robin into the current issue. Hawk has been on the trail of Incredible Hulk wannabe villain, Blockbuster. Only, Hank is the one on the run. (Apparently being the Avatar of War only allows you to stand a ghost of a chance against your adversary during the final battle.)

We get some great drawings of Dove (one of my favorite DC characters) and some so-so Batman art but the secret mastermind, or rather mistressmind of Blockbuster’s crime spree looks like she was designed by me back in Liefeld’s aforementioned heyday. (Yes I used the word “mistressmind”. This is my blog and no one ever told me I can’t invent words.)

To spare you unimaginable mental torture, I will quote Hawk only once to give you an idea of the Dickensian, nay Shakespearian brilliance of Rob’s scripting talents: “You’re definitely up past your bedtime, boy blunder, I’d be HAPPY to put you down for the night-”.

While Bats and Dove try to keep Hawk and Robin’s testosterone addled egos in check, the four heros trace down Blockbuster and a stolen amulet to the Gotham docks where a sorceress ingeniously named Necromancer is on the verge of attaining unheard of levels of power. A brief fight ensues, Dove retrieves the amulet, breaking Necromancer’s spell, the villainess escapes, Batman lectures Hank and Dawn on teamwork and everyone goes there separate ways; Batman and Robin to excellent sales figures and Hawk and Dove to another lousy story-line.

As a glutton for punishment, and because I really like Dove’s costume and hair, I will stick by the train-wreck of a comic. (Dawn IS supposedly gifted with unknown powers beyond those given to any Avatar of Peace in the past and IS Hank’s physical and mental superior in every way.)

Magic the Gathering #1:

Dack Fayden is your typical dashing thief trope, popular with the ladies but VERY unpopular with anyone in possession of a nice shiny magical item to steal. (Think a bad-ass version of Disney’s Aladdin.) Dack however, is a “planewalker”, a being with the magical ability to traverse the multiple dimensions of the comic setting’s world; it does hurt mind you. “Like falling off a log. In EVERY direction at once.”

We meet Fayden as he is running from a band of mercenary style soldiers, lead by a beast that from my Dungeon and Dragons: Dragonlance days, I would call a Draconian. (For you 4th editioners, think a particularly tough Dragonborn.) Dack continues his escape for thirteen break-neck pages until he finds a friendly elderly woman healer and flops to one of his scattered safe-houses. Using his mystical abilities he attempts to discover whatever valuable power his latest artifact may hold. It is a “knife”, but such an unwieldy looking weapon it must be designed for torture.

Concentrating his abilities, Dack sees memories of the blade’s last user. It is in his home-town of Drakston (a name that conjures themes of darkness and dragons as well as sounding like Braxton, Missouri.) where a mysterious woman named Sifa assassinates Drak’s love, Mariel. It might be “part of my job” Sifa says, “but oh, the benefits. (Is she growing younger by spilling the blood of innocents? The hint is so minor that I might just be reading into things. I guess we’ll see.) Drak decides it is time for vengeance and walks off into the night, dragons circling overhead.

This comic demands to be read very quickly, to keep pace with the planewalker’s life and thoughts. Martin Coccolo’s art is only so-so, but J. Edwin Steven’s color work is masterful. It renders mood that would take paragraphs of exposition on every page by varying the hue tinging each set of panels. As for Matt Forbeck’s writing, it’s just too early to tell, but I’ll be happy to go on the ride to find out.

The Defenders #3:

I’m sorry, I just had to. I needed to know how this story-line ended. Amongst the nonsensical cosmic babbling and desperate attempts at humor, our heroes do nothing; almost literally nothing. Red She-Hulk attacks the Black Hulk Nul the Breaker of Worlds and the rest of the crew pile on and can’t make a dent in the unimaginable force of destruction. Nul then breaks Rulkie’s “unbreakable red skin”. Nul, for no apparent reason, is trying to destroy a machine that apparently keeps reality functioning. (Think Thanos trying to kill the universe but instead every POSSIBLE universe.) The looming end of all reality, yep, that’s something to handle in three issues.

Amidst all this brooding and battling, a lone figure, very mythical and Jack Kirby New God-esque, sits motionless and we hear his thoughts. They clear up nothing and make no sense but are pretty and epic-sounding. This “other Prestor” simply touches the Black Hulk and he vanishes out of existence. “ He is erased.”

Heavy stuff? Then why pray tell do we get the now-famous tweet-like messages at the bottom of the page such as, “What if it’s not just a canker sore” and “Hey that tiger is flying a spaceship”. (If you’re missing the punctuation, I just wrote the quotes as is. I guess Matt Fraction thinks he’s beyond the rules of the English language.)

If this weren’t all bad enough the narrator ANSWERS one of Iron Fist’s questions to segue into further exposition! “Funny you should ask, Danny.”

The exercise in futility of reading this title is over. Call me if J. M. DeMatteis takes the reins of this thing.